Marouane Fellaini
"To finally shave off the 'fro for maximum headbutting effectiveness."

Phil Jagielka
"To hide the captain's armband in a place Phil Neville will never think to look: right in front of him."

Kevin Mirallas
"To stretch properly before every game. And if that doesn't work, to visit a mysterious German doctor."

Ross Barkley
"To get him to notice me."

Shane Duffy
"To purchase a hot water bottle so that it can warm the bench for me, freeing my time to pursue other hobbies."

John Heitinga
"To play poorly enough to get my transfer to Ajax or Galatasaray, but just well enough to keep QPR from becoming interested."

David Moyes
"To perfect the formation I've been working on that I think will revolutionize football: the 9-1-0. Unless Phil Neville isn't playing; then it becomes the 10-0-0."

Steven Naismith
"To purchase a comb."

Leon Osman
"To sell Naisy the comb I got for Christmas."

Magaye Gueye
"To remind everyone that I have somehow made 24 senior appearances for Everton."

Francisco Junior
"To make my daddy proud."

Tim Howard
"To remember that punching things, be they crosses into the box or other people, isn't very nice."

Victor Anichebe
"To win the Everton Young Player of the Season Award, despite the fact that I'm turning 25 in April."

Seamus Coleman
"To sign a big contract extension. Oh wait."

Sylvain Distin
"To scour the country until I have found and destroyed every known copy of the 2012 FA Cup semi-finals video."

Leighton Baines
"To write more often on my music blog."

Thomas Hitzlsperger
"To not rest until I am certain there is no one else in the Premier League quite so strikingly handsome as myself."

Apostolos Vellios
"To not rest until I am certain there is no one else in the Premier League quite so strikingly handsome as myself."

Darron Gibson
"To lose a game. Just to cross it off my bucket list."

Bryan Oviedo
"To stop retweeting every last thing my followers send me on Twitter."

Phil Neville
"To make a list of the top ten captains who inspire me. So far, I've got Captain Kangaroo, Captain Crunch, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Phil Neville. Taking more suggestions now."

Steven Pienaar
"To read the story of Samson and Delilah."

Jan Mucha
"To use my extensive free time to compute the meaning of life and all existence."

Nikica Jelavic
"To make my campaign to widen the goals in the Premier League a reality."

Tony Hibbert
"To score another goal, so that I can finally create that 'Tony Hibbert Greatest Goals' Youtube montage I've always dreamed about."